Naomie Christensen: Sick All-the-Time

Saturday, May 21, 2016

Sick All-the-Time

I believe in second chances. Beliefs help make decisions. Lately, I have been feeling depressed and drowned out. Society and people are not helping. I am finally regaining a sense of purpose. It relates to thoughts and actions.

I believe charity helps people to get second chances. I give money to charities. In the vast amounts of living with chronic depression, I sometimes have enough energy to get out-of-bed and do a couple things. I've been thinking about my life.

The other day I was thinking about the actual events of my life. Somehow, even when close to death from hypothyroidism which causes hallucinations and symptoms of fever, I went to school. I slept fourteen to sixteen hours. People, close to me, thought I was crazy. Yet, I knew I felt sick all-the-time and went to the doctor. My thyroid was close to turning toxic. Even when feeling sick all-the-time, I went to work or school.

I think about the events of my life when having the usual thoughts about everything is bad; life is going nowhere; it will always be the same; there is not point going on, and I could end it, but what is the point of dying. Somehow, I graduated college. Somehow, I held a job. Somehow, I put together this website. Everyday I would wake up, put clothes on, do my makeup and have something to do even if the something to do was looking for a job.

A turning point involves advice from a psychologists who pointed out that when a person dies it is over. There is no more time to right the wrongs, pursue dreams or help the helpless. There is no more time for second chances.

After recovering, I still have depression. It is incurable. At times, it spikes and several aspects of my life suffer. I have not written lately because I question all my thoughts. I think it is negative or taken out-of-context. It is time to write something positive and uplifting.

Shifting through my thoughts, I also had thoughts after seeing a psychologist. In relation to suicidal thoughts, I realized all these worries about death and discomfort should not affect me. If one of my goals is death, death is not a threat to me personally.

Watching news and reading about disorders, a studied revealed children of over-protective parents die at early ages. It is as though the fear of their child dying suffocates the child and contributes to their death. Realizing there is no point to life and wanting to die, threats are boring.

Whenever feeling uncomfortable, I still have a strong flight tendency. I want to run and avoid fighting. I might die. I worry about disease and injury. I might die.

I have an ongoing self-preservation routine. It is overly complex with various vitamins, natural supplements and healing lotions. As time goes by, it is rewarding to think about everything that I did. My mind is put at ease when remembering going out and doing anything or living any amount of life. I enjoy thinking about past achievements. The function of filling up my life with events is worthwhile.

I graduated college. I held jobs. I have been on television. I work on a small business aspiration. I have seen a game show in real life. I have traveled. I have been to art galleries that have live musicians performing classical music. I have see the ocean, desert, mountains and plains. I have met people. I have influenced others to strive. I have assisted charities in preserving hospitals and cleaning up neighborhoods. I participate in assisting other to get their second chance.

Fluctuations in depression make life difficult. There is a strong tendency to focus on all the things I do not have. There are a lot things I do not have. I don't want to talk about it. I never do. Some people say you need to express to release the tension. I will never do. It is not in my nature. I have to find methods of life that are realistic and comfortable for me.

Another belief controlling and contributing to feeling better is knowing everyone is born with a purpose. There are no mistakes. Every person has value. Money, fame and wealth are not the total value of a person. There is more. There are millions of people making decisions everyday. They do what they know and feel is right.

To say the only value of anything is money is to say pictures of my family are negligible. It is alright to delete baby pictures and pictures from vacations. It is like saying it does not matter unless they sell for a few thousand dollars. If my computer crashed today, I can recreate any and all my art. While I could go on another family vacation, I would be more upset about losing family photos.

Every person is important. Achievements of machinery, technology, justice and wealth happens because of the ongoing needs and actions of everyone. There is no method of judgment to evaluate the importance or insignificance of one person's life.

When making decisions, it is important to consider my actions impact other people. I really try to find the least hostile, most effective way to handle people who are obstacles in the way living life. It is difficult when everything seems huge and chaotic. I imagine it being disastrous for me, for others and must reevaluate my impact. Any small activity, such as: talking, listening or debating to defend myself is not going to ruin a company. If it was already ruined, I did not do that. It is more likely they realize there is a problem. Honesty in my choice of words and actions assists them in noticing a problem. They will fix it. My part in the greater fulfillment of life is done. It would be great to have total freedom. Standards, rules, competition and expectations would all be negligible. Yet, all those interferences and things that cause bad feelings help me. I feel stuck when having to workout what to do to whenever someone is bossy or acting like I am their property. Yet, you have to do something first and then find out what will really happen.

I have to defend myself and defend myself when someone else has opinions about how to live my life. Which is absurd. It is my life and I am happy letting them live there life. I might give advice or talk about things that help me. I do not hover, nag and questions their life endlessly. I also do not try force them into living a life plan according to my values.

They have a plan. I have a plan. It is probably a good plan unless it is illegal. Then it was a bad plan. If it something illegal against me or others, that I know about, I will probably call the police.

I don't know. I feel weak and small. I prefer solitude. Spending a great deal of time remembering, I do not do a lot. I manage to get up and do something. I'll have one or two important things to do everyday. Those things have to be done. I can think of many more things to do. I really do not feel like life gets better. This is how I feel right now. I will probably different in the future. I will probably have a greater ebb of depression in the future. Having already done and completed tasks in the past, there is a great chance of doing another fun, great, rewarding or comforting experience in the future.

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