Naomie Christensen: Affective Displays

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Affective Displays

Trying to settle into a new living space, it is time to move things around for comfort. Sorting though everything, it took awhile to feel better about moving. Thinking about having control over my room, changes to decor are less haphazard.

Memory is an interesting mechanism. A person is able to envision events when constantly remembering what happens in the past. Momentous and tokens remind us when we are not purposely thinking about a particular event. I want to have good, purposeful memories and memories to develop self-esteem. My Mom quotes, "Don't always run away. It is better to be running toward something." I do not know who said it originally. It is probably from "Catcher in the Rye." I never really finished reading that book.

Making a video about placing better memories in visible places, I want to write about each item. Some of it stays in boxes, yet most of it is set on shelves. Now there is less clutter around each item.

I went to college. It was difficult. I went from high school and then to college. After not going to school for a couple years, so I could work, it was time to get a graduate degree.

Problems with my thyroid made me believe it took forever to graduate from College and it was time I could never recover. Looking at dates, I graduated in a fair amount of time. It was not a big issue.

I paid for college while working at a pizza restaurant and spent time with Friends, almost daily. My most prominent memory was when a friend called and I had to study. I felt guilty, yet I had to study to graduate. Another time, I was at work while Friends wanted to go to a party. My Mean Boss said I had to stay and help. My shift had ended.

It seemed to take forever to graduate. When starting at the university, I made a plan to show up on time to every class, study constantly and avoid a large social life. It was because I did not want to get sucked into a huge social life that would make it difficult to accomplish anything. I think about it now and realize having closer friendships at the school would have been good. The fear and paranoia of not graduating or becoming a dobber was helpful for focus.

Graduation was important. I graduated according to my schedule. It was nice knowing I can work through tough problems and find solutions. It was not great, because it solidified a rational that I did not realize would interfere with my life one day.

The crystal geode looks great. It reminds me I am never trapped. If something is going wrong, it is fine to leave. I believe that thoroughly. Sometimes what makes life difficult is not realizing when to leave.

Before starting at the university, I moved back to my Parent's home. It was difficult, so I got a job as a Paper Delivery Person. The newspaper did not collect fees directly. I did not know who owed money. It was a lot of work for hardly any pay, yet I could afford an inexpensive motel room.

I was afraid to leave the room. I would come and go from work or store. Sometimes the neighbors fought. I did not want to meet any of them.

After moving into an inexpensive apartment, one of the Tenants was a Paper Delivery Person. It was nearly Christmas Day. There were pages of advertisements in the newspaper. It was cold and raining. I was tired and decided to call-in to quit. The Guy who trained me got the papers and finished the route.

I had written letters to extend the payment date, to the Apartment Manager, a few time. I was certain they would evict me. I worked as a Temporary and went to Unemployment after the job ended. I only collected two unemployment checks before finding a great full-time job.

A few months went by before it was easy to pay bills. The internet connection was upgraded to not having advertisement. During the peak of happiness of the experience, I wanted something nice to decorate my apartment. Now it reminds me of everything in relation to that experience. There are several ups and downs, yet it has an overall positive message.

While living there, I received a mysterious gift in the mail. I won a contest, yet I did not enter a contest. Looking at the name of the company, I new it was someone on Grandfather Leland’s side-of-the-family. We were never close. In school, one of them told me we were not related. There are members of the family that I remember fondly.

I remember playing in the fields next to the chicken coops before they sold the land to build houses. A spontaneous gesture, it was a surprise and made me feel good someone was thinking about me.

The plastic marble is from barely after when I graduated from the community college. I went on vacation with my Mom to celebrate graduating; however, I misread the requirements. It was a disappointment having to take another class.

After graduating, I went on vacation with a very much still alive Friend. We began the vacation by going downtown. Looking for concerts and other events, we met a bunch of people in our age group. Some were spending the summer looking for anything to do. Some were between jobs. It did not matter, everyone was looking for fun to pass-the-time.

It was fun. We camped and found a rave. We got lost and could not recognize when the taxi got there, so someone drove us home. They just wanted to help. Several of the things that happened are introductions to horror films. Everything was great and no horror. It was a great experience and people really are normal and easy-going.

I decided to throw something away. It isn't in the video. I tried to sell it first. For years, I have held onto collectibles given to me as a Child. "One day they will be worth a lot of money." They are not worth less a previously owned glass. They sat in a blue travel chest my whole life. The Person who gave them to me was a nice person. They committed suicide.

For years, the blue traveling chest sat in my room. I looked at it everyday. It was motivational. I did not want to be like them. They dropped out of school even with scholarships. They dropped out of everything including life. I might have this. People often looked at us like we were the same person. These memories gave me something to prove, yet I was running away not toward anything.

I threw out the last box of fast food diner glasses and feel good. In the past few years independence made it easier to distance myself from Awful-Life-Suckers. Upon consideration, People are not Awful-Life-Suckers. It might be stressful having to be on top of everything all-the-time. In addition, the Guy was a nice person. It is a good quality, not character flaw.

Working on a memento display, I want better mementos. There should be more significance, yet sometimes mementos with an ulterior meaning are important. Honesty is a good quality.

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