Naomie Christensen: Life without Meaning

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Life without Meaning

Thinking about the internet community lately a few thoughts frequenting my mind. It seems like everyone has an opinion, yet only a few people want to move nasty behavior into real life. It isn't all nasty. I remember a few years ago people on a social forum were talking about meeting people in real life. Personally lacking excitement, I thought of a time and place. I would be there in body, yet not really talk to anyone, kind of like a hostess.

The first evening was awful. I don't know why people have to gossip about everything. Over time it is getting better, yet there always has to be someone who is really mean. The point is to meet people in real life. Nothing more and nothing less. I will get back on the computer later and leave a comment here or there like everybody else.

I wonder if people do not know what ethics are? To rephrase it again, in a different way, ethics are the ability to treat people like friends even if you do not know them. It is like money. A candy bar costs what is on the price tag. The Clerk does not charge more or less depending on how long you have known each other. Traveling would be expensive. There is a basic form of politeness in what is felt is owed to another person just for being alive.

It is sad. It seems like the gossip goes out-of-the-world fantasy and then down into a weird gutter of nonsensical bitterness. The internet seems to be the same. Knowing from personal experience, in real life, I find my self wondering if these people ever had close friends or family. It is possible to say something mean and then shrug it off. It is possible to find out something chilling about a person you thought you knew. It is possible to talk to them about it, yet there is always this overly active group of people who think honesty and conversation are more, more cold and detrimental to being able to live.

They say they are keeping the peace, but it feels more like control. Taking a right to chose for other people who or what is better. Perhaps even removing the most basic personal rights: rights to their body, rights to their safety and rights to their happiness. If anyone has a right to something it is to their own person, to their mind to their body. Every dispute affirms everyone has ownership of themselves.

Clearing up a few things. These gatherings are not for "hookups" or finding a date. I am not into casual sex. I already know how well I do or do not know someone. I do have friends. I know what it is like to want to put yourself in danger to help someone else. In fact, things are awkward between past friends and the people who mean something to me. I've already gone through a partial grieving of the fact that we are not close friends anymore or working towards becoming close friends. I do not understand how any of this makes anyone better or worse than anyone else or how it would entitle anyone to harm anyone there or me.

I also do not understand wanting to kill anyone for someone else. I would use every defensive technique I know to defend someone before resorting to killing someone, because it is wrong to kill anyone. Sometimes someone is important and nice to their loved ones while being completely mean and judgmental to me personally.

In fact, people really need to think about what they say about everyone else because they say the rudest things on the internet while having a double standard about anyone else doing it. Somehow they know about just talking while accusing everyone else of being overly emotional. They take aggressive actions for people they would not be able to identify when that person is standing in front of them unless someone told them who they are.

It is ridiculous. I do not get views from other people or YouTubers. I do not even belong to several subscriber sites to get more subscribers. They might be there in body, but not mind. I try to do what I can to make something to find and use tools so the people who want to find it, find it. That's why most feedback, it is positive. Usually mean comments are a backlash for leaving comments on another person's video. For whatever reason they just want to be mean and feel it is fine to be mean to me. It has made me think of unsubscribing to several people on the internet. The aftermath is ugly.

I have never been one to look down on teamwork, "The ability to be friends with someone for the purpose of fulfilling a goal." People have different levels of comfort. It is odd when someone is super intense and nice until no longer on the team. Good luck seeing them again. After awhile it becomes easier to recognize when someone has universal ethics.

If a person thinks comments or criticism are more than feedback and making friends, then they've never had friends. I care about people and there is no level of status that makes it fine to tell anyone to shut up beyond joking and silence is nice. Never because they are more or less than anyone else.

That's what friends do. Friends tell stories. They are open about opinions. It is sometimes fun to notice other people taking preference over who to defend for no other reason than physical beauty just to see how it plays out. Never to make them shut up or feel as though they cannot have an honest conversation. Honest conversation builds trust and compromise, even when realizing on some issues there is no compromise. They do not have to bend to anyone's influence for friendship. Make exceptions because they really do not have the same or even similar beliefs.

I am disgusted over people's dualities and it happens with or without internet. Some of the guys at the bar and I have been in an imaginary relationship for years. I almost want to change, but think change is bad and will avoid it. I talked to them once upon a time while hanging out with a friend or even friend-of-friend. For a long time people wanted to beat me up for stalking them. For a long time people wanted to beat them up for stalking me. Then we did all kinds of things are definitely not true and some loser bitch wants to beat me for something that never happened with the guy they might like to date that already has a girlfriend. It is so stupid. We spoke once. That's why no one can really say we are friends. I demand companionship and actual talking to each other before calling someone a friend, except for when calling everyone a friend, because saying someone is not a friend has come to mean they are bitter enemies. They are not bitter enemies either.

Luckily the air is finally being cleared and the people who are gossips are revealed. I am happy, because maybe they will finally think about what they are saying and realize whatever was going on in their mind was only happening in their mind.

I remember having a crush when I was younger. He was so attractive. I actually talked to him. He was a cook. Slightly different than expected. Still loving. He was living on his own. Sometimes people mature quickly and move out sooner than the rest of us. He was actually a lot older. He also had a fiance who was pregnant. The bubble popped. He has his own unique life that happens constantly whether I am aware of any of it.

To lighten the subject, it really is just people's opinion. At one time the guy who thought patterns on pants was great was an idiot. Everyone knew how wrong that was. He became a famous designer because he was different and could take criticism politely. Now patterns are on all kinds of pants and shorts. It is great having patterns on all materials for making clothing.

It is a wild world of just being able to listen and understand. Sometimes I have bad days and become overly demanding. Sometimes anything outside what I am focusing on is a nuisance. Sometimes I react not so well. Sometimes it takes a minute to realize I would forgive myself and want other people to empathize with me under the same circumstance before stopping to empathize knowing it is understandable everyone has a bad day, has preoccupations, doesn't always have the right words to say or react in the way that someone expects. People get by trying to be nice and reference their ethics when spontaneous moments happen.

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