Naomie Christensen: Trip in Hollywood

Monday, December 3, 2012

Trip in Hollywood

This is my first blog about my experience in Hollywood. In the past three years I have gone to Hollywood three times and twice in the last year. The first time was auditioning for America's Got Talent. I don't think there is any proof just experience. The next time was Vid.con. There is a lot of proof, yet the vacation was mostly to talk to family. There was no open competition to be my guest. I had obligations before the plane landed. Going to Anaheim is easy. Finding an existing branch of family to act as a backup if things go wrong is as easy as having parents. This last visit was scary on several levels. Hopefully I can cover it in one blog.

It began falling apart estimating how long it would take to raise money to make the move. It took longer than expected. Markets in Texas are different than Utah and there was not enough time to learn a new sales technique. While going to Vid.con I went to a casting agency. It sounded easy to get a job, so there was enough reason to continue as planned. To work as an Extra I would have to work fairly regularly. Unfortunately, I would have to get a job immediately after the move.

It was more complicated than planned. Being able to live close to Los Angeles, with family, it became an issue of how to get around. I had to live in Los Angeles. Any job I might get had to be within an hour. An hour drive it is actually a couple hours with a car. The plan to rent a car completely fell through. Renting a car in Salt Lake City was easy. In Los Angeles I should have gone to a local rental company. They need proof of living there. Every time I fixed a problem there was another problem.

If I booked a job the second I got there, I might entertain ideas about renting a friend-of-a-friend's guest house or find a roommate, yet it would have to happen immediately in order to get checks to pay rent. There was a delay so I got a hotel room and it became a vacation. Being able to walk around makes the experience real and it is possible to envision living there. I felt like a Vacationer. Though glad I went it was more than anticipated. I was happy to leave.

In an other article I mention the "it" factor and getting jobs in your hometown before planning a vacation to Los Angles or New York City. Verify an ability to get jobs. Getting off the train at Union Station and walking to the bus stop a woman was telling people to stop taking her picture because she is a model. She wore a costume for a shop in the area. Though people are getting jobs, it is bleak.

I remember modeling when I was younger. I had crooked teeth. People call this, "English." Funnily I am part English. Without any advice from anyone my Mom thought it would be a good idea to straighten my teeth. It wasn't. I went from booking occasional jobs to booking no jobs. I think my Agent-at-the-Time also condemned the action. Braces were taken off a year early and eventually went back to normal. Funnily I've booked virtually any background acting job in Salt Lake City for the past couple of years. Is it a coincidence? I don't think so anymore. Though maybe one person said, "We don't do English here," the grand average thinks crooked teeth are cute.

I wonder what it would be like with all the fantastic pressure and need to make money without absolute certainty I am fine. It would be mind numbing and bank draining. Maybe it should get a chemical peel for freckles or burn off beauty marks? It seems like the more I try to figure out what "it" is the more evidence points to a lack of real answers. Any ideas of what makes someone famous produces evidence of a famous Actor or Actress that is totally different.

Have I thought about getting a regular job? Yes I have. Trying to keep hope alive, I went and did some tourist things while working on a better plan. I am still thinking about moving to Los Angeles, but so many times I was happy to see the blanket move and still wonder if someone was dead not sleeping. The though still rushes through my mind. Realizing the community is nice enough to let people rest on the streets without harm relieves an icky feeling.

Walking on Hollywood Boulevard I wonder if the difference between slums and struggling is occasionally getting paid for acting. There is a strange sense in the air. It is entertaining and hopeful, yet there is also indications people have another from entertainment involving new hopefuls moving into the area. As a Vacations I took a picture of Godzilla's star. Walking in front of the Chinese Theater there were weird glances. A slender man smiled as though he wondered if I am for sale. Financial independence is important. There was a cathartic moment looking at the Church of Scientology and realizing a good option might be to consider conversion for a bed in one of the hostiles.

Seeing fallout is bleak. It is ugly. There are people who make it and people who don't. I sense a fond spirit and hope in the homeless. I sense a past of talking to friends who knew they would make it. There was no going back and they were going to go for it. Months and years pass. Who knows what happens? There is a distant silence somewhere between stubbornness and shame. In either instance there is a mixture sheer amounts of pain and knowing it will not be getting better.

A mixture of fun and whatever, every step was traced with madness. Even waiting to get into the bathroom to change before going to a game show, an older woman was basically freshening up, before moving on with her day. Up then down. It is an emotional roller coaster. I've realized I might have to get a degree in acting if really wanting to do this, yet I already have a four year degree and should probably test my already existing skills before thinking of spending more. I already sewed once. It is time to reap before sewing again, yet it is a disturbing sensation. Hopefully things come together, but I keep waffling back-and-fourth. Instead of clarification, there is only confusion. Maybe it is clear. I just do not want to see it. Maybe it is clear, yet it is mostly warnings of potential danger.

Everyone hopes they will become a star. Hope seems realistic when booking jobs, yet there is a time to realize it is not going to happen. It is like a horror movie. Watching it everyone knows what to do. Living it no one knows what to do. Shock, disbelief and other emotions interfere. It makes me question everything while some jerk on the phone unloads their frantic emotions of going to the Fashion District and buying suits half-off after telling them it is time to go home and get a better plan.

They say something really nice. Apparently I might be able to become famous. Reality is simultaneously saying to end my life if I cannot become famous. I resent it. They are completely unaware I do not feel like deciphering this message. It has already taken a few good weeks to get adjusted to and sort out the information. I am in a strange city where I am actually alone and could be in real danger. I am experiencing while they are envisioning leeching off my reputation. Get your own life. Anyone's reputation, including my own, is not more valuable than my life and personal safety.

Drinking and watching models, it sounds fun. Confidence in my ability to get into movies is great. They'll be invited to all the events. We can hangout and do it all; meanwhile, I was enthused by $2 shirts. That's amazing. I need blander clothes. Amazing amounts of guilt made it easier to go home. My contradictory attitude saves the day again. Retracting, I couldn't help thinking the Man Sitting on the Side-of-the-Road in Front of the Greyhound Station thought money for a bus ride home was the crucial difference in becoming famous. While being supportive, everyone at least thinks it is possible to become a star, having supporters might make everything worse.

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