Naomie Christensen: Musical Expression

Monday, July 26, 2010

Musical Expression

Late one night I was drinking red wine listening to sullen music. Flipping through the tracks, thinking about what was bringing me down, I'm usually an up and active person, yet sleeping became difficult. Most people associate sleeping with depression; however, insomnia is also associated to depression. It starts with restless sleep and then getting up in the middle of the night. When a person experiences insomnia it is normal to feel tired. This is unproductive and while having one or two qualities associated to depression, it hadn't been this intense for years.

Listless in the night, it had been awhile since sitting around listening to music, yet at this point it was helpful. Emotionally blocking thoughts may limit action though sometimes we want to block thoughts to keep going. After spending time moping, I wrote this song.


My insides are rotten
Charred and shriveled against the bone.

I feel my soul, shriveled decay.
Thoughts of hurt, motivates me.
Everyone step turn them to dust.
Reap thoughts of decadence,
Delightful images of everyone's death.

This is what I'm willing to admit.
This is what I'm willing to admit.
Because, I can't, I can't, I can't...

Languishing in the purest souls
So open to be so open
Say, "I love you."

It's all modifications to fit in.

No love, no lust, no money.
No love, no lust, no money.
No love, no lust, no money.
This is what I'm willing to admit.

Cautious of your thoughts
Callous to your whims.
Careful not to be let down;
Consequences make me paranoid;

You're wasting all your love songs,
Because, I can't, I can't, I can't...

This is what I'm willing to admit.
Because, I can't, I can't, I can't...

Feeling productive, jotting it down before going to bed, it was still rough. Attempting to find the melody the next day, music started accumulating. Singing the words aloud a few speedy drafts later completed the wording.

It didn't take long to write percussion. It should be simple. After awhile the harmony and melody emerge. It was difficult. With classical training, I lean towards complex note patterns rising and falling. Staring at the piano, occasionally playing around, eerie accompaniment surfaced. It felt correct.

Stress is difficult. There is always work, news and circumstances an individual cannot control. It all spins around, even when living a fairly monotonous life. Drinking wine is not a cure; however, relaxing to get in touch with deeper emotions is helpful. Art is beautiful. It assists as a catalyst to realize deeper emotions.

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